Monday, 26 March 2012

A Look Into The Mind Of A Camper, With Professor Rushalot

I am pleased to announce that we have secured an exclusive interview with the prestigious and widely cited Professor Beastman Rushalot. Based in the internationally recognised, Shewter University, he commands a wide range of specialisations in the Video Game Psyche department where he is acting head. He is frequently invited to gaming events around the world, giving talks and lectures on the state of the industry and more importantly, the nature of gamers today.

After a quick cup of tea and some crumpets, we settled down in our comfy lounge chairs and had a superb chat about camping, campers and pretty much any golden nugget we could gleam from Professor Rushalot's vexing mind.



Hello! How are you today Professor Rushalot? We're pleased to have you here today.

Why thank you good sir. It is an honour meeting with such esteemed admirers of my work. A little appraisal for a lifelong commitment such as mine never goes amiss *laughs*.

I understand you specialise in camping, specifically in the psycho-developmental aspect of things loosely speaking. Can you start by telling us what camping is?

Well, camping is an endearing term. It is a verbal derivation of the word 'camp'. Now, we all know what camping is. Up in the flaky woodlands, in and amongst the very claws of the ferocious mother nature. Where man meets wild, where primal instincts rule our neocortex, as I plunge my crusty fingernails into the young thing's hip bones and thrust! Thrust with all my God given strength!! Thrust as if the three riders of the apocalypse whip at my destrier as we cut through scorched earth and fiery clouds!!! Thrust like there's no...

Professor? Are you okay? We're talking about camping and what it is...

Ah yes, I apologise. I seem to have lost my train of thought. Camping. Yes.

Camping is characterised by the phenomenon whereas the active player in a video game obsessively positions his or herself to receive an opponent. You see, where competitive multiplayer is concerned, any given match is like the circle of life. A closed ecosystem if you will. The flowing currents of kills and deaths from players in a lobby roughly equilibriates. It is only by introducing a skill based factorial that you inevitably disrupt the equilibrium and encapsulate what we know as victory and defeat.

Now, I come back to what I mentioned earlier. The problem lies with the act of receiving an opponent, the opposing term known as attacking the opponent, for clarity's sake of course.

When one obsesses over receiving opponents, he is pushing the system's equilibrium to unhealthy extremes.

I think I see what you are saying professor. Everyone can't be waiting to receive everyone else right?

Precisely! It's a kin to dividing by zero if I do say so myself.

This hyper reserved style of play; although, calling it a style is lending it far too much credence, carries with it a negative impact on the flow of the game.

Why else do people like you and I play video games? To have fun. To immerse ourselves in a world that is outlandishly different to our real world. To commit acts that would be seemingly impossible to perform in the real world. That is the essence of the allure of gaming.

However, there are those who would prefer to play in a selfish manner and deny that flux of offence and defence that is fundamental the modus operandi of competitive multiplayer.

Fascinating! I'd like to know more about why this behaviour is a problem in the "human sense", if you will.

Well, in order to deduce what the core of the problem is with campers is take a step back.

Look at the topic with fresh eyes, from afar.

Many critics of my studies attempt to deride my experiments and findings, despite the widely acclaimed status of said studies, as an affront to free will. They claim that this is their game and that they can play it however they like. Balderdash!

The moment you choose to enter a team based arena is the moment you forfeit all entitlements of individuality. The team must come first. Just like in the military. I ask you young man, is there "freedom of speech" in the army? It is preposterous to even ponder a response to such an inane question. Hence, I shall simply ignore the foolish claims of these few anomalies in peer-review. I'd prefer to bask in the glowing appraisal of my work, not the murky unfounded criticisms, thank you very much!

Another major point i would like to point out is this. If you are camping, in a corner of a building of a shooter, you are effectively being twice the camper.

Think of it like this: what are you doing while you are holding your controller in front of your telepathic visionary matrix? You are sitting, most likely in a corner of a room, absolutely still, looking in one direction, constantly. This is exactly what you are doing in the video game!

Are you okay Professor?

*breathes* Yes. *breathes* Its just that... *breathes* I have never been accustomed to discussing camping to the 2nd order of magnitude. It takes its toll. Believe me young man, if the blistering sphincter-based problems don't get you in old age, a nervous breakdown will. The days of my boyish young looks have long since evaporated. *laughs*
Professor Rushalot in 1948.
The crux of the argument lies with the camper's personality. The behaviour implicitly dictates that the camper is a selfish individual. He is incapable of understanding why he plays competitive shooter games in the first place. He refuses to allow his opponent an equal opportunity to kill him, as the opponent conversely does so himself. It is childish, immature and must be banished in order for the most important factor to rise supreme: Skill.

For the sake of brevity and your health Professor, I think it would be best if we concluded this interview prematurely.

Oh come now, I'll live. I swore by Zeus himself I would never succumb to the monstrosity of camping. The way I promised I'll go is with a hot young thing in bed, her sweet and moist lips wrapped around my...

Eh eh, yeah. Well folks. There you have it. The graceful and knowledgeable professor Beastman Rushalot, sharing the nuggets of wisdom he's accumulated over his vast years in the field of Gaming Psychology.

Stay tuned for more insights into gaming's wacky world.

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